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My Mom


My mother is a walking miracle. -Leonardo DiCaprio

My mom died in March of 2014 but she should have died a little over 10 years before that. See my mom was a very stubborn person and could be a force to be reckoned with, but she was also a very loving and sweet person who would do anything for those she loved. She was also a cocaine addict most of my life and an alcoholic and both of those substances have caused me a lot of pain. When she wasn’t sober she could be cold, callous, completely detached from her emotions for you and extremely verbally abusive and manipulative. She like her mother was possessive and had a hard time letting go of me so from an early age she made it so the dynamic of the relationship was that of relational fusion and was unhealthy. 

She was also someone that I could come to with almost any problem in order to receive positive reinforcement and comfort. When she died my source of comfort died with her and that created a huge crater of psychological damage as I’ve never been able to cope by myself and I had yet to release my co-dependency with her. This also damaged my testimony to an extent because her death was far from pleasant and I still harbor anger towards her for it. 

I will say that I whole heartily believe my relationship with my parents and with my mom specifically helped me to develop “Commitment Phobia” which in turn has caused some serious grief between my wife and I. I am trying to give her my all and I hope that one day I will before I lose her. 

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My mom and I in South Carolina, I think I was two in this picture.

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Mom, dad, and a little me in front of her parents home in Tampa. 



  
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The day I was baptized in 2008. Mom should have been dead about four years at this point. 
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Mom with her sister I think around 2006 maybe?
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Mom 2009
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Mom and dad 2009
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Mom in Alaska in the 80's

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